When we were pregnant with our first child, we decided not to peek at
the gender and just wait and be surprised. My husband was adamant about
circumcising if we had a boy. I did a little research, but only on
pro-circumcision sites.
I deeply regret not researching more. I was
just so relieved that my husband was on board with my choices about
alternative parenting practices, like natural birth at a birthing center, etc. I thought I should give him this one thing that was important to
him. We had a birthing center birth, so I found a pediatrician that
performed circumcisions in her office.
When the baby was born and we
found out he was a boy, I started feeling panicky, but stuffed my
feelings down. We had the appointment scheduled for 5 days after birth.
Looking back, I am really glad we had breast feeding established and
that the circumcision surgery wasn’t performed on his first day on Earth.
The whole
elevator ride up to the doctor’s office, I felt so anxious. I really
wanted to grab my baby and run, but I stuffed those feelings down. After
the initial check up, she said it was time to start the circumcision. I
had wanted to stay in the room, but changed my mind last minute. My
husband stayed, and I waited outside the door. I began to hear an infant
cry while waiting outside the door. I wanted to go back in to him, but
was afraid to startle the doctor and make her botch the surgery. The
crying seemed to go on and on and on. I started to cry and
hyperventilate. The nurses brought me a cup of water and chair. It was
the worst 5 minutes of my life. When they told me I could go back in, my
baby wasn’t tear streaked, he was very calm. I asked him, “but wasn’t
he crying?” and the told me he didn’t cry at all (my husband had let him
suck on his pinky that was coated in sugar water. It’s supposed to
have a calming effect on babies). It turned out that the cries came from
a baby in the next room was getting her 2 month vaccinations, but the
way the sound traveled made it sound like my son. I was so relieved he
didn’t cry. We took him home, I nursed him and he fell asleep. He slept
for a long, long time. I roused him to try and nurse him about four
hours later and checked for excessive bleeding, but he fell right back
to sleep. He probably slept 8 hours straight. I called my mom and asked
her about it, but she said he was probably just sleeping off the local
anesthesia and when you’re sleeping you’re healing.
I later found out he
was most likely in shock. Oh my poor little baby. In the following
days, he would cry every time he peed, I can’t imagine how much it stung
and burned him. I would cry every time I changed his diaper, his little
penis just looked so angry and sore.
No one had told us to pull
back the skin around the head of the penis, we weren’t given much post
surgery care instructions. He had a very loose circumcision, and the skin
started to re-adhere but I had no idea. By 5 months, it was totally
reattached but I never realized it. It started to leak pus out of a
little hole where the skin hadn’t re-adhered on the side of the penis. I
did a little research, and figured out what had happened. All the
re-adhered skin was trapping germs and skin cells inside. According to
my research, the skin needed to detach or it could cause a lot of
problems later on in life when he started to have erections. I soaked
the area in a warm wash cloth over the course of a few days, and it
started to detach. That was when my real regret started to sink in, his
penis was just trying to go back to the way it should be. When I was
researching all this, I found lots of web sites against circumcision,
and my eyes were really opened. I began to feel so sad
regretful
about what I had done.
When my son was around a year old, I told my
husband I regretted it. I told him all the things I had found in my
research, how it’s just a cosmetic surgery with no medical benefits. I
told him I felt like a dog owner that had her dog’s ears clipped just so
they would look a certain way. I told we were no better then the
parents that have their daughter’s genitals cut in Africa, we just
had a sterile surgery instead of one on a dirt floor in a hut. Needless
to say, that didn’t go over well…. We kind of just left it at that for
awhile. We had planned on starting to try for another child when my son
turned two, so right around his second birthday I dropped the bombshell.
I told my husband that if we were to have another boy, there was no way
on earth I would allow him to be circumcised. I would fight him tooth
and nail over it.
I told him it mattered so much to me, that I was
willing to not have another child and leave our son an only child so
it wouldn’t have to come to that.
My husband and I do not argue ever.
We have a very peaceful marriage, and usually never disagree on
anything. We decided it would be better for us to forego having another
child then to risk having another boy and having a giant rift between
us. I was heart broken. I did not want only one child. But that is how
important not circumcising again was to me. There were many nights I
cried over it, and my husband would hold me as I cried. We just couldn’t
see any other way. My husband was very, very adamant about having his
son(s) match him. I did ask him could I gather all my arguments against
it and present them to him at one time so I could say I tried
everything. He allowed me to do that. I tried to keep my emotions out of
it, and just present facts. Facts like circumcision only began in this
country as a way to curb masturbation in young boys. Sex doesn't feel as good without a foreskin. Babies die
from circumcision, it’s just not a well reported thing. The rate of
parent's circumcising is dropping, so the whole “locker room” argument
isn't true anymore (and our kids will be home schooled, so that’s a moot
point anyway). The New Testament of the Bible states it’s not
necessary, so the whole “God requires it” argument doesn't work (and if
you look at the way it was required in the Old Testament, it’s very
different form the medical circumcision of today. Back then it was just a ritual
cut, not slicing off the entire foreskin). It didn't change his mind,
but I felt like I had done all I could. From time to time, when we’d be
out in public and see a little newborn, I’d just look at my husband with
sad eyes and he would know what I was thinking; that I wanted another.
People would ask us, “so when is the next one coming”, and we’d just
tell them we were done.
By the time my son’s third birth was
approaching, I was finally coming to terms with the fact he really was
going to be an only. I had prayed for an “oops” baby, but had even quit
doing that. We were getting past the baby stage with him, he was
sleeping through the night, weaning, and potty learning. I was starting
to look forward to the next stage of our lives. One day, we were riding
in the car and I threw out one last time, “I really want another baby”.
And to my very great surprise….he said okay. OKAY!?!? What??? Did I hear
right??? He told me, “I’ve really been thinking about it, and if you’ve
done all this research and really come to the conclusion that it’s best
to not circumcise, I will concede to you. I still want any sons we
might have to match me, but I’ll give that up so we can have another
child. If we have a boy and they ever ask us why they don’t match each
other, you have to be the one to explain it to them”. I was in such
shock. I just started crying and hugging him, I couldn’t believe he told
me that in the car. I just wanted to jump in his arms and kiss his
face. I loved my husband so much in that moment. I know how hard it was
for him to “give in”. I guess he just needed a lot of time to process to
everything. I floated around on cloud 9 for days. I was so ecstatic he
had changed his mind. We started trying right away, and got pregnant on
the first try. I went from never thinking I was going to have another
child to pregnant in just a matter of weeks. What a whirl-wind. My
husband really wanted to peek at the gender this time, and….we are
having a little girl! She will remain intact, just as every child
deserves to be.
However, I decided to also make a list of resources regarding circumcision that are all by men. Some folks feel that this topic is dominated by women. I believe that women should definitely have a huge role in this. However, if you are interested to hear from men themselves, there are certainly plenty of places to hear from them! Please note that while I have promised to keep what I post myself free of certain words and images, I do not claim that these extra resources have the same requirements. I will add more so feel free to check back! 
